You have this idea for your dream side hustle. It makes you so excited, just the thought of it makes you feel fulfilled and energized. But it’s so different than what you are doing now, it isn’t even what you went to university for. Isn’t that strange? What is everyone going to think if I leave my successful job and go off and work on this dream I have? It really has to be perfect then so that I don’t get embarrassed, judged, and rejected by going off and doing this dream I love instead of sticking with my traditional job on the traditional life path.
Does this sound familiar?
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Perfectionism holding us back
Perfectionism can so often hold us back from doing what we want to do most. From pursuing our dreams we know we were meant to be doing. How exhausting is this…
But pursuing your dream and leading the life you deserve will leave you fulfilled and excited, feeling challenged, working on your own time, making your own decision. You’re excited for the possibilities that the future holds as you feel empowered that you’re embracing who you truly are!
Stopping perfectionism from getting in the way is so important then! Because it is scary to go off the traditional path and follow our true identity’s dream, we can get stuck in a perfectionism loop that gives us the false impression that we can control the situation. What it really does though, is slow us down and prevent us from actually taking the first steps and starting our dream – taking the off ramp from the traditional path and onto the sunny roads of the dream path.
Related posts:
- 7 Ways to Overcome Perfectionism – and why you should
- Why Perfectionism Makes Us Procrastinate
- The Surprising Reason Perfectionism is Holding You Back
Why we need to know about the 3 types of perfectionist
What we don’t usually realize that there are 3 different types of perfectionist.
Our signature blend of perfectionism acts on us in different ways.
Why should we care about which of the 3 types of perfectionist we are?
Because different types respond to situations differently, they have different motivations behind them, and the way to deal with the perfectionism is different for each type. Each type will have a different way that perfectionism is holding them back from pursuing their dream, and so the solution will be a little different for each type.
Before you can find out how to solve something, you need to know what you are solving.
You can’t fix a broken kitchen cabinet without knowing which one is broken and how.
Perfectionism in my life
When I started this blog, it used to take me months to write an article. Sure in the beginning everything takes longer because you are learning, but this was an excessive amount of time and energy spend on things that were in the long game, meaningless. I would spend weeks doing research, weeks researching the right keywords for the articles, agonizing over the correct blend of colours for the images, agonizing over each and every word in the article. It was not only exhausting, but the real problem was that I wasn’t getting any articles out.
If you have a blog, you need to be posting regularly. In the beginning, of course it’s not going to be very good. If you look at the early paintings that Picasso did, they aren’t very good. I think they’re actually quite bad. It was only after many, many paintings that he got his rhythm and became the genius we all think of when we hear the name Picasso.
The reason I was agonizing and my perfectionism was kicking in was because I was nervous about what people would say. I was in medicine, but all of the sudden I was writing on some blog about some stuff? I was worried what people would say, that they would think it’s stupid and it’s lame. So I thought I would make sure that it is amazing, to save myself from this possible embarrassing scenario.
For you, your perfectionism may be caused by something else, and it may be showing up in your life a different way.
And the way to deal with each type of perfectionist is a little different.
Jumping into the 3 Types of Perfectionist:
Self-oriented perfectionist
This person has high standards for themselves. They are organized and conscientious and want to ensure that everything is as good as can be. They have high productivity and success rates compared to the other two types and have more positive emotions. However, they also have a fear of failure, see setbacks as personal failures and as an inherent personal weakness.
Other-oriented perfectionist
This person holds others to high standards. This type of perfectionist is judgemental and critical of other people. They can be difficult to work with, have problems delegating, and it can ultimately affect their relationships – both personal and professional.
Socially-oriented perfectionist
This person perceived high standards set by those around them (family, workplace, culture, society, friend group, Instagram) and strive to meet those expectations. This means that they are not motivated to be the best because they want to be, but because they think they are expected to be. They worry how others will judge them and that they will be rejected. They are very self-critical and generally have more mental health problems than the other two. These problems can include depression, anxiety, and low self-confidence.
Which did you identify with the most? Perhaps it was a mix of two.
Generally speaking, each type benefits from certain tactics more than others.
If you’re still not sure which type of perfectionist you are, take the quiz to find out!
Tactics for each type of perfectionist
Tactics for the self-oriented perfectionist:
Set realistic goals and a priorities list
Realizing what is actually a priority and deserves our attention can ensure that we are not spreading ourselves too thin – this can prevent burnout in the long term.
Practise self-compassion.
Self-oriented perfectionist often have a loud inner critic. One that is telling them that they are not good enough. That they will never achieve it and then if they do achieve their goal, the inner critic is telling them that they should have done it faster and even better. Learning to talk to yourself with kindness helps to turn down the volume on the inner critic. This can be done by practising talking to yourself the way you would talk to someone you care about. Imagine it is your brother or sister or your best friend.
Tactics for the other-oriented perfectionist
Awareness
Awareness is a huge deal with the other-oriented perfectionist. Regularly asking yourself: “Am I demanding too much from this person?” And then checking in with those people by simply asking, “Are you feeling stressed? Do you feel like I am judging you?” If you know that the people you are asking are kind, smart, and trustworthy people, you can take it to be true whatever they tell you, so listen and reflect.
Coming up with a plan
Once you have that feedback, try working out a way with them how you might react differently in the future so they do not feel judged, but supported. Asking questions such as, “How would you have preferred I reacted?” Or “What reaction or comment on my part would you have liked to hear or would have made you feel supported.”
Seek help
If you’re having trouble figuring out how to move forward, seek professional help, talk to someone a trusted friend, talk to someone who has gone through a similar situation, or email me and we can brainstorm a solution!
Tactics for the socially-oriented perfectionist
If you’re a socially-oriented perfectionist, I completely understand how you’re feeling, because that’s the type I most identify with as well!
Overcoming the feeling that everyone is watching you and judging you based on your successes and failures involves pushing back.
Origins
First identify where the feeling comes from. Is it from certain people on Instagram, your family, certain friends, generally society? And then zoom in on that.
In my case it was Instagram and outer community of people I knew. So I unfollowed all of the people. It works like the ostrich with its head in the sand. Maybe they still follow me and see my stuff, but since I don’t see them, I almost forget they’re there. So when I post something, I forget that they see it. The fear of judgement isn’t there.
Slowly over time, we realize that people don’t care that much about us. Our thinking slowly begins to shift. We realize that even if they do think about us, we don’t really care because we’re busy doing our thing and creating excellence for the sake of excellence. We feel freer, lighter and more able to take the first steps to making our dream side hustle a reality.
Creating excellence for the sake of excellence
That brings me to the second point, which focusing on creating excellence for the sake of excellence. Pursing excellence for its owns sake is the ultimate in satisfaction. We get pleasure and start to feel confident when we contribute to the world, when we work hard at something and do something well, regardless of who is watching. Focusing on this and repeating this over time will slowly start to ease those feeling of being watched and judged for what we do.
Practise doing imperfect things
The third thing and the most fun for me is practising doing imperfect things. Make a cake from scratch and take it to a friend’s house, make origami and put it up on your shelf for guests to see, do a cartwheel in a park full of people. Doing these imperfect things and realizing that no one cares, those that do see it, quickly forget or wish that they had done it themselves because it looks so fun, help tune out those feelings of being judged by others and so we have to be perfect. Over time you can work your way up to bigger imperfect things.
Why it’s worth it
It takes time to recover from perfectionism. It takes practise and doing the exercises mentioned above. But if it is perfectionism that is holding you back from pursuing your dream, it is so worth working on. Quieting the perfectionism thoughts allows us to do what we love, to spend our days fulfilled and excited, with more confidence and a sense of purpose!
For bigger list of ways to deal with perfectionism check out the article: 7 Ways to Deal With Perfectionism – and why you should.
Email me or comment below to let me know which type of perfectionist you are! I love hearing from you and learning how your journey is going!
Summary
Perfectionism can so often hold us back from doing what we want to do most. From pursuing our dreams we know we were meant to be doing.
3 types of perfectionist:
- Self-oriented perfectionist
- Other-oriented perfectionist
- Socially-oriented perfectionist
Tactics for each of the 3 types of perfectionist:
Self-oriented perfectionist: setting realistic goals, creating a priorities list, practise compassion.
Other-oriented perfectionist: awareness, create plan for future, seek help.
Socially oriented perfectionist: identify origin of feeling, focus on creating excellence for the sake of excellence, practise doing imperfect things.
If perfectionism is holding you back from pursuing your dream, it is so worth working on. Quieting the perfectionism thoughts allows us to do what we love, to spend our days fulfilled and excited, with more confidence and a sense of purpose!
