From a young age, we’re convincingly sold the traditional idea of how our life is supposed to go. And we follow it.
We spend a huge amount of time in school, striving to get the top marks. We get into an undergraduate program, work hard, and maybe continue on to a professional school or a graduate degree. And we work hard. After we finally graduate, we are praised for our success and told to go get a good job. So we do that.
We sent countless resumes, get in touch with old contacts, go on interviews and finally land that great job. We are praised for our success again. Told how we are set, on the right track.
By all standards, it’s a good job. Other people around us seem happy enough with it. It’s the beginning months and things are interesting as we’re meeting new people, learning how to do the job and acting grown up wearing nice clothes and pretty heels. Time passes and people around us still seem happy.
And yet, we start to feel a little uneasy, a little restless. We realize that we are unfulfilled, that we want more, that we want to do more. The new heels, the chocolate ice cream, the new Aritzia pants, the Netflix bingeing aren’t helping to fill that void.
But this doesn’t make sense. It’s a good job, other people would kill for this job. We did everything right, we did everything we were told to do, everything we were told would make us happy when we reached “the end goal” – where we are now. We’re doing a job that we were trained for through many years of schooling and hard work.
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When it all changes
And then, all of the sudden, you get this idea for a side hustle or business. It’s a dream desire that you think about and makes you excited and happy. You think about it a lot and it fills you with energy. Gives you that fire in the belly that you used to have. You think, how did I never think of this before?
Related posts:
- 7 Ways to Overcome Perfectionism – and why you should
- The 3 Types of Perfectionist. Which type are you?
- Why Perfectionism Makes Us Procrastinate
But it’s different from what you were trained to do. It’s different from the degree you finished. You’re not sure if you can do it then. You feel intimidated because there are so many other people out there in the world doing something similar.
How perfectionism is holding you back
And so while thinking about starting your dream side hustle, these thoughts start running through your head:
What makes me think I can do this? I have no formal training for this.
So many people are already doing this, what can I possibly offer?
What if it doesn’t work?
All these people around me are going to think it’s so weird that I’m going off and doing something so different from my schooling and what I’m doing now.
They’re going to think I failed in my actual career so I’m off doing this other thing now.
They’re not going to get why I’m doing something I didn’t go to school for. That all my years of schooling were a waste.
I spent so many years building a reputation of success, people are going to judge me if I fail.
What makes me think I can do something I don’t know anything about right now?
This is a huge risk, so it has to be perfect or people will judge me if I fail.
All these thoughts are running through your head and it seems so much easier to follow what everyone is doing and stay at the job, try to be grateful for it. Maybe buy another pair of heels.
And yet, you can’t get the idea, this dream desire you have for something else, out of your head. It’s nagging and you’re getting more restless. But you don’t know how to move forward. You feel stuck and scared of jumping into your dream. You don’t know how to make that first jump to start, to unshackle from the traditional and leap into our dream desire, come what may.
Does this sound familiar?
Why it’s not your fault:
I think you’d be surprised to hear, that you’re not alone in these thoughts. I’ve certainly felt like this as well. At the bottom of the article, you’ll find a list of successful people who have felt similarly before changing their careers. I’d be willing to bet that even some of those seemingly happy people at work, feel in a similar way.
And I want you to know that it’s not your fault that you got to this point, and it’s not your fault you’re finding it difficult to move forward.
By reading this article up to here, you’ve shows that you want to find a way to move forward. You’ve shown that you’re ready to stop perfectionism from holding you back!
That you got to this point
From so early on, we’re told to go to school and get great marks so that we can get into a good university, so that we can get a good job, and when all this is done, we will be happy.
And so you did all of this. You did all of this very well because you’re a motivated and ambitious person. You also did it well because you were praised for your successes and learned to get praise, you have to do well.
But when you got to the end, it wasn’t great like you were told it would be. And you know you can do more.
That you can’t move forward
It’s not your fault that you can’t move forward, for 2 reasons:
- If we want to get off this traditional path, we are told that we are selfish and childish if we don’t stick with it. We are told that being an adult means you have to just suck it up and do things that don’t always make you happy.
- Then even if you could tell the traditional path, peace out, and leave it, the learnt perfectionism from childhood is holding you back from moving towards your dream.
Why perfectionism is the real problem
Perfectionism is the real problem that you can’t move forward, because even if you could summon the courage to quit the job that is making you miserable, what are you going to do next? You want to pursue your dream. But going after your dream more difficult that just quitting a job, because it involves a possible failure, putting yourself out there, and taking those first steps. And your perfectionism is holding you back from moving forward.
If you’re not sure which type of perfectionist you are, check out the article The 3 Types of Perfectionist. Which type are you? or take the quiz to find out!
Where perfectionism comes from
Perfectionism is something that is learnt in childhood. It is not something you are born with.
When you were younger, perhaps you had rigid parents with high expectations who were always expecting the very best from you. Whether it was grades or athletic performance or anything else, you were expected to be incredible, and you were praised for this. You were not praised for your effort, but for your results.
Or perhaps you had extremely critical or shaming adults in your life as a kid. Adults who would criticize or you for not getting the best marks or playing the best in the orchestra recital.
What happens in all the above situations is that you quickly learn to fear failure, and to strive towards perfection no matter what.
And this stayed with you all the way to now – to adulthood.
Perfectionism holding you back in adulthood
So now when you have an idea for a dream side hustle or full-time business, all these perfectionism thoughts from childhood are holding you back.
You are terrified to do something that has such a seemingly high chance of failure. Something that is so different from what you have been doing our entire life.
Maybe you’ve been in science you’re whole life, even got a Master’s degree, and are now working in a lab teaching undergraduate students, or in pharmaceutical marketing, and you’re successful by all standards, but now you have a dream of starting a vegan soap making business.
Or maybe you’ve studied literature all your life, and are now an editor at a magazine, but have a dream of opening up a bakery with a café on the side.
Maybe you’re a geneticist, but you realize that you have a dream of writing mystery novels for a living.
Maybe you’ve just finished Law school and have started a working at a prestigious law firm, but realized you have a dream to become a wildlife photographer, travelling through Southeast Asia.
The list is endless.
How it can be different
Whatever it is you’re now doing, whatever it is you went to school and trained to do, you don’t have to do it, if your dream is to actually do something else.
Taking the first step
Dealing with perfectionism allows you to take that first and huge step in the right direction. The first step could be something as small as signing up for an online course in writing, taking a seminar on how to make scones, joining a Facebook group of people interested in your dream topic, taking a free photography course, signing up for a free e-course on different types of pastries.
Dealing with perfectionism will also allow you to continue on your journey after taking the first step, but for now, let’s focus on that first step.
Why is this important?
Remember that feeling of unease, restlessness, and agitation where you are now? Remember that feeling of wanting and knowing you can do more?
Well it’s possible to do and have more.
What dealing with perfectionism gives you:
1. Fulfilling days
It’s possible to spend your day doing what you love, feeling fulfilled and excited. Not dreading mornings or Sunday nights because you know if it is Monday tomorrow and you have to go to work.
Following your dream can give you these fulfilling and enriching days. Overcoming perfectionism is the first step to following your dream.
2. Feeling challenged
It’s possible to feel challenged and excited again. Working on your own time, the way you want, making your own decisions.
And so many of us think that we can’t do something that we didn’t go to school for. Especially those of us who have been on a very traditional academic path for so long, have a hard time believing that we can do something so unrelated to our schooling. But that is just not true – we can do whatever the hell it is we want to do. Just check out the article: It’s Never Too Late: 25 Famous Women on Starting Over in a New Career from The Cut where 25 women (most of their names you will recognize) talk about why they changed careers after feeling unsatisfied with their current job.
You can learn the new skills you need to succeed in your dream side hustle or business!
3. Other people’s opinions – not your problem anymore
A big problem with perfectionism is worrying about what other people will think. But in dealing with perfectionism, you don’t really care anymore. It’s not holding you back, because it’s not about them. It’s about you growing, learning, and choosing to be happy living your dream. They have the life you just gave up, the life where you went to work and were unhappy. So their opinion doesn’t matter.
I remember Brené Brown talking about how it is only the person who is in the ring with you who can give you their opinion. Everyone else doesn’t matter. And you truly understand and believe this after dealing with perfectionism.
4. No more spending to feel something
You’re not spending tons of money shopping for clothes you don’t need and food that isn’t good for you, just to make yourself feel better and numb out the unhappiness with your life.
5. Meeting new interesting people
On your journey to your dream you will meet new like-minded people, so their enthusiasm drowns out the negative voices. These people will motivate you and push you to be even better in pursuing your dream side hustle.
6. A sense of purpose
More than anything, you now have a sense of purpose, you’re hopeful again. You work to live instead of living to work. And you have a lightness to you because a burden has lifted. You feel empowered and know that it is okay to be exactly who you are.
If perfectionism is holding you back from pursuing your dream and doing all the amazing things described above, you can move past it.
Perfectionism doesn’t have to hold you back. Just in the way that it was learned in childhood, it can be unlearnt in adulthood. It can be unlearnt right now.
Check out the article 7 Ways to Overcome Perfectionism – and why you should to get started.
You’re not alone
Lastly I want you to know you’re not alone. Many people have left successful jobs because they realized their dream lay elsewhere. And if we look into their biographies, they’ve all had their own difficulties to overcome before they launched into their dream desire.
Email me or comment below to let me where you are right now in your career and what is the dream that perfectionism is preventing you from pursing! I love hearing from you and learning how your journey is going, so don’t hesitate to reach out!
Below is a short list of a few who have done complete career changes, whom I greatly admire:
Robin Sharma – left a career as a lawyer to become a writer and speaker, teaching people how to live their best, extraordinary lives.
Susie Moore – left a career as a Sales Director for a Fortune 500 Company to become a life coach.
John Grisham – left a career law to become the best-selling author of the thriller mysteries we all love.
Julia Child – worked in advertising, media, and CIA secret intelligence before writing her first cookbook.
Vera Wang – was a figure skater and journalist before switching over to the fashion industry.
Sara Blakely – was a door-to-door fax machine salesperson before launching Spanx.
Retta – was pre-med before she made the switch to stand-up comedy and acting.
Senator Elizabeth Warren – was a special needs teacher and a professor at law school before she entered American politics.
Andrea Bocelli – was a defense attorney before he left to sing full time.
Ava DuVerney – the director of A Wrinkle in Time was a publicist before she became a filmmaker.
Nora Ephron – was a journalist and author before she became a screenwriter and director.
Candace Nelson – was an investment banker before she became the founder of Sprinkles Cupcakes.
Representative Kim Schrier – was a pediatrician before she entered American politics.
